Bebo Heroes

So I was quietly sifting through the fetid mess that is Bebo and, scrolling to the top of the cleavage covered homepage, I noticed that there's a small, discreet link next to my latest saying, entitled 'top sayings today'.

Forgive me dear readers, I clicked it.

It's like a cross section of downs-syndrome'd monkeys, typing on keyboards with their faces.
THE HORROR! THE SPELLING! THE SMILIES! But if you think that this is where I stopped, lingering on the border to the infernal asylum from where eldritch gibbering echoed insanely into the night, then you are sorely mistaken! I would surely be less of a man were I to lose my mettle at this juncture.

So scrolling down the list, my tortured eye came across "IF Y3R FIR TUL NA RI TMORA NYT CLIICK M33 TOO !x". The author of this abortion in word form is the wonderful Shareen.

It seems that Shareen, who indeed wuvs Eimear Sean, is some kind of mysteeeerious alien creature from Dimension X, who is trying to communicate with we Earthlings through the use of flashing neon colours, swapping out random letters with numbers, and doing to the English language what was traditionally done to a cabin boy's arsehole by two dozen lonely sailors after three months at sea.

Now, I make no claims as to what this person is like in real life. She might very well give alms to starving nuns, befriend the homeless and floss regularly. If that's the case, then her bebo page is doing her a terrible disservice. It could be that her IQ is in fact above room temperature, and that her main problem is that she's 13. This is only further evidence that, like driving and voting, using the internet should require a licensing system, and possibly a written examination.