Family Visitations

I am not, by nature, a huge family person. By this I mean I'm very close to my mum and dad, but I don't get to see them that often. And my brothers and I have an okay relationship for three boys who grew up in a small house that couldn't possibly contain all the hormones and anger management issues that came with being 13 and discovering that bits of you are now hairy and that people looking at you for more than 10 seconds makes you either want to put a chair leg through their teeth or dry hump their leg.

When we first came to New Zealand back in 198x, we lived with one of Dad's brothers for around 6 months while our first house was being built. This was a difficult time for us kids, who were more sheltered than an underground bunker and suddenly had to know all sorts of New Zealand things, like not to eyeball people and that 'egg' was an important school yard insult and the words to Tutira Mai nga Iwi. The biggest culture shock of all though was living with our cousins. Suddenly there was exciting things like household swearing and smoking cigarettes in the kitchen and talking to kids in robust language, and fart jokes. And the word 'fart' for that matter. Looking back on it, I'm somewhat amused by what poor old Mum and Dad must have gone through, seeing their innocent children being corrupted like that, but what I largely left that experience with was the general feeling that extended family wasn't really for me. I mean, these people willingly played rugby. Clearly we had nothing in common.

It's very possible that I've missed out a bit with this mindset. I have a couple of cousins and a second cousin on Facebook and one in particular is heavily involved in the Hamilton medieval reenactment scene, and so knows a few of the same geeky types that I do. But inevitably and especially since I don't live in Hamilton, I don't really see any of my extended family that often and so have earned Dirty Looks from the uncle we lived with, especially whenever I attend Christmas events. I can shrug this off with equanimity... I know I'm privileged to have good family ties should I choose to engage with them, and I choose not to. I'd probably have more to do with Mum's side of the family but they all live in the UK.

I've said this before, but really my extended family is my group of friends. It took me a long time growing up in NZ to learn how to make friends easily, and I remember distinctly how hard primary and intermediate school was, being the weird nerdy quiet kid with the English accent who tried being funny all the time. When I think about it now, the quality of the people that I call friends is a real source of pride for me. I know a good number of intelligent, successful, creative people, and the fact that a bunch of us are getting together this weekend in Hamilton is really quite exciting for me, equally as much so as seeing my parents and brothers again.