Introducing the latest range of PEDORS© trainers by FUCKUGLY® footwear specialists! Made by hateful Welsh shoe-miners high up in a hidden Appalachian mountain retreat, these specially designed foot boats will literally embarrass away your toe pains! And loved ones!
PEDORS© trainers are made from a composite of space age polymers, old bouncy castles and pure distilled ugliness, the latter painstakingly harvested from baboons arses, British radio presenters and every car created by Toyota ever. They are guaranteed to be completely fireproof, as any flame will fizzle out and slink away rather than be publicly seen burning these shoes.
The team at FUCKUGLY™ believe in Function beating the crap out of Form and chucking it out the window, leaping out after it and riding it screaming down to the pavement below and using it as a nice soft cushiony landing. This is inherent in every part of the shoe, from the 80s Velcro fastenings that obstinately fail to do up by themselves like in Back To The Future 2, to the 'floating rubber dingy' design ethos that permeates throughout.
On the plus side, they are amazingly comfortable to wear.
3 comments:
Wow, am I GLAD they're comfy. You'da thunk they would have reconsidered their tradename by now - WWHHHYYYY is it hugely emblazoned on the back? (Yep, gots to gets me some of dem 'pedo' shoes)Yikes.
I know right? I originally contemplated making some PEDORS jokes along those lines but it could've been potentially triggering, which would be a bit shitty even for me. :P
Still though. Terrible name.
Wow you so have to dress like Eddie Munster when you wear these.
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